Bridget & George

I liked my given name: Bridget Kathleen Houlihan. It came with heritage baked in. 

I was 4 years old the day my babysitter, Phyllis, couldn’t come watch me. I’d be in my mom’s 7th grade math classroom with her and the BIG kids instead. 

Yippeee! I bounced with excitement in the desk I’d selected in the front row, sorting through my crayons, looking for shades of green.

It was the week of St. Patrick’s Day, and I wore a new t-shirt with a shamrock on it. My favorite holiday pin was on my jean jacket too. A leprechaun on the pin flashed green lights on and off, and it read, “I have green roots!”

Every time Mom got her students quieted down to work, I’d announce, “I have GREEN ROOTS!” and was rewarded with gales of laughter. 

Not even the quelling death look I got from my mom, Patricia Mary Connors Houlihan, could put a stop to my fun. Her patented mom look was missing its sting because she was having a hard time stifling her own laugh. 

That day I was every bit a Houlihan.

Only when George Hayman Jr. got down on one knee in front of my parents and about 70 of our friends at his 50th Birthday party, did I instinctively know I’d take a new name if it meant I got to share his.

“This is my most treasured possession,” he said, flipping open a small red box to reveal a timeless diamond. I didn’t know he’d kept it or that he’d had it secretly re-sized. 

“It’s my mom’s ring,” he went on. “You are the most important person in my world and make it better. Will you marry me?”

My “Yes!” was captured on a dozen iPhone cameras as our friends and family surrounded us with a cheer. 

George kissed me and slipped the ring on my finger. It fit me perfectly. So does he. 

I’ve never taken off. I look at it when it sparkles every day and feel deeply grateful toward my mother-in-law, Anna Hayman, for raising the man who trusts me with his heart. 

He brings me flowers every time he goes to the grocery store, leaves a cup of coffee for me on the bathroom vanity when I’m in the shower, and surprises me with clean sheets on a Wednesday.

Both of George’s parents passed away too soon, long before he and I got together. 

When we were dating, we discovered early on that our parents had something wonderful in common. Both sets were married on the same day in different years. We considered that a good omen and decided to make that day our own.

So on September 8, 2015, I surprised my mom by wearing her wedding dress when my dad wheeled me down the aisle to meet George — 42 years to the day after she wore it to take her vows.  

That day I became Bridget Houlihan Hayman.

Additional note: Here is a video Geo made that we showed at our wedding reception. It includes pictures from both of our parents’ weddings.

We’ve heard from many powerful leaders this week in the classroom who have spoken on various themes including goal setting, negotiation, storytelling, and persuasion. I haven’t had time to write about most of these presentations yet, but I plan to as I have a chance to reflect on them. It’s been a lot to take in.

In the meantime, I thought you’d like to see where our classes are being held at The University of Chicago Delhi Center. The video below gives some great background and the image above shows pictures of our cohort in action on the video wall of fame in the lobby.

India’s views on autism and the challenges faced by the people who providing autism services sound familiar to me because the stigma is strikingly similar here and at home.

For example, some of Indian society believes autism is caused by bad parenting, while many Americans mistake autistic behavior for bad behavior and attribute it to bad parenting. Likewise, parents, regardless of nationality, can vacillate between two extremes when considering a future for their child who is on the spectrum — he or she will be a savant, or not have any kind of independent life at all.

 

Merry Barua, the director of Action for Autism, is creating the space in between where everyone with autism can contribute, learn, and belong. A mother who has an adult son with autism, she envisioned another path years ago and willed it into solid reality. Now, she runs an autism school in Delhi that offers student education, parental training, sessions and vocational training — programs that are now being replicated nationwide.

Action for Autism’s mission, messaging and service approach echo that of Easterseals, the organization I work for.  So much so, in fact, that when we met Merry yesterday, I felt that I was meeting a kindred spirit, and I was right at home in her school. We champion the same cause and believe that everyone should have the opportunity to live their life to the fullest. And it was so inspiring to meet with the dedicated group here that are getting that job done.

As I get over the initial culture shock of being in Delhi, I am starting to see more similarities than differences.

 

 

 

Jeffery Sexton, minister-counselor for US Embassy public affairs welcomed our CLA cohort to his home Tuesday evening where he spoke to us briefly about his role in India and US diplomacy. We then were treated to a reception and dinner in his garden where we met a number of people who work at the embassy and at nonprofit organizations throughout India.

Fascinating conversations and insights flowed faster than the cocktails as we chatted around the dinner table, taking a short breather from the Delhi crowds.

I continue to be impressed by the astounding amount good work being done here that we’re learning about and how enormous issues are being tackled so thoughtfully.

Geo and I spent a great deal of time talking with Tanya Alag, for example, who works for an NGO that  shelters street children who have run away.  People from her organization, Salaam Baalak Trust, comb the railway stations in Delhi sharing information about their centers with children who pour in daily from all over the country.  Once children decide to come to a center, workers will then advocate for them based on the child’s needs and wants — either helping them return to their families or fostering them until they can live on their own — sometimes for years. They offer a wide variety of support and education programs.

And that was just one of the extraordinary people milling about the garden.

India is a complicated place — a mix of cultures, religions, and social classes. We got a taste yesterday of how nonprofits and the government navigate them to begin addressing the needs of the people. As monumental as the need is, extraordinary outreach is being done.

 

Take Mridula Bajaj, the former Executive Director of Mobile Creches, who dedicated 22 years of her life to helping impoverished children of construction workers get the care they need to thrive while their parents do manual labor. There are 160 million children under the age of 6 in India. Sixty million of them live in poverty, and those with families often don’t get the care they need because mothers can go back to work as early as 10 days after giving birth. Mobile Creches trains child care providers and has centers around India.

Mridula Bajaj spoke to us about goal setting — detailing the decisions she made to restructure and focus the organization to ultimately improve performance. Her presentation left me emotional — the issues she’s spent her life tackling are just so brutal and immense — and yet, the tenents of leadership needed to move the agenda forward are universal and immediately applicable to the work I’m doing at home now and would eventually like to expand.

No matter what you’re working on:

• Organizational structure and vision is key — you must decide what your organization is and what it isn’t.
• Issues must be looked at from many different angles to define appropriate next steps.
• Partners whose agendas complement your own can amplify yours and more progress can be made collectively.
• To implement change, people within the organization must take some ownership of it.
• Training broadens reach.
• Evaluating programs is essential — even if you’ve invested in them extensively, if they aren’t doing what they should or are no longer relevant they need to go.

I was fascinated by the organization’s failure in using social media successfully, even though they made a good effort.  That’s because their program people didn’t share the stories the could so easily talk about onsite.  Something about formalizing them to share online was a deterrent — and I face the same issue with our program people literally every work day.

Interestingly, Mobile Creches is primarily funded internationally partly because the community it serves, and the Indian community in general, doesn’t see the issue of early childhood care as a primary concern.

After lunch, we went on our first site visit. We’ve been encouraged to view these as “sensing visits” opening up all of our senses to take in as much as possible.

I went with the group to the National Skills Development Corporation (NSDC) — a public (government) – private partnership to train workers based on need and international standards of best practice to integrate more people into the formal Indian economy and to participate in international exchange programs.

The building was beautiful and the modern office had an 1871 vibe — very hip. The organization prides itself on hiring the nations top young talent educated all over the world — with the goal of elevating India.

NSDC has 40 sector skill councils to build various online occupational training modules, and also to focus on groups of people in need — including people with disabilities. I will do a whole post on this later — I need to unpack it a bit — but in short, I was impressed by  NSDC’s grant system to invest in India long-term and how it’s goals are evolving based on what the programs themselves are uncovering.

For example, a system of mobile radios has been created to connect trainees who were rural workers and are now adapting to the new jobs they’ve trained for in the city. Social media at its best!

We discussed how NSCD is driven by the concept of working toward opportunity rather than being equal in poverty and how the organizational goals and grant and program approaches vary based on different target audiences — the 20% below the poverty line, the 50% who are above the poverty line now but have memories of living below it, and 30% middle class.

We were then off to Dilli Haat — a non-profit on reclaimed sewer land where artisans from around the country rotate through to sell their wares.  The space is beautiful! And here you can be assured your money is going directly to the artisan not to a middle-man.  My bargaining skills are improving!

Finally, we finished the day with dinner on the lovely back patio at the Lalit Hotel, where we celebrated our fellow fellow’s birthday.  Happy Birthday Hilesh! There was a beautiful Indian wedding at the hotel too — the colors and clothing was spectacular!

Geo and I have spent an enjoyable morning decompressing and reflecting on this extraordinary experience so far.  Accessibility for today’s site visit to Protsahan were a tad too complex to manage, so I’ll meet up with the group at lunch for class on negotiation and tonight we dine at the home of Jeffrey Sexton, Minister-Counselor for Public Affairs, US Embassy. More adventures to come!

 

 

It’s Monday here in Delhi and though we have been here since Sunday (arriving at the hotel at 3 am), it seems like days since we’ve arrived.  And sitting here right now in a large lecture classroom, I’m transported back to the world I knew on Friday, and I’m not reminded that I’m thousands of miles away from home.

So it’s just been a day. But I can’t comprehend that right now.  I’ve always been aware of the greater world, but never really experienced it. Yesterday I did.

I’m always so critical of those who can’t really grasp that we have so much in our country. It makes me sick when people I grew up with feel they did not have anything special, nor recognize that they had it so easy compared to the world.  They need to come here and get a new perspective.

Taking a shower here, in a modern hotel, you can’t help but feel that there are millions of people around you right now that can imagine that comfort.

Yesterday we took a tour through Old Delhi.  Where things have been the way they are for thousands of years.  We were pulled through the area by a thin man who had a mastery of the bike that pulled us through. Literally an inch of space would separate us from a scooter, or motorcycle, or a tuck tuck three wheeled cab all moving in different directions.  The only rule of the road is that: There are no Rules.

That being said, I didn’t see any accidents or altercations, just a cacophony of horns honking in unison, and people yelling at each other about their own right of way.

The smell of spice is everywhere… just like Arakis in DUNE 😉 And often that smell would be overtaken by another not so pleasant odor.

People are everywhere, walking, riding, sitting, selling, and it seems it never stops.  As I read before we left, we were stared at a lot. And I felt everything from pure curiosity, to the feeling of “Look at that large rich American.” But everyone has been great and I also felt like someone visiting Chicago and being scared of getting on the Red Line.  One should be cautious and aware, but not afraid to do it.

Our Rickshaw driver really just said a few things to us.  First… after pulling us uphill he flexed his little arm and said “Strong!” And when we were stopped, I asked him his name and we introduced ourselves, he also proudly pointed to himself and said “Muslim!”

I could go on for awhile, but overall, I woke up this morning feeling… Did that really happen? It all seems like a dream, and this was just day one.